Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) , an approach that focuses on our thoughts and actions, is effective in reducing the anxiety caused by responsibility for othersâ happiness. No interests, no passions, no real friends. Money wasnât the problem here. This phenomenon is known as â The Parenthood Paradox â or â Parenthood Gap â. Whether one feels responsible for other peopleâs happiness or feels that other people are responsible for their own, it is because they have not been able to emotionally grow up. You depend on them for advice, emotional support or even as a resource to come bail you out of trouble. Happify, a website and app dedicated to helping people build skills for happiness through science-based activities and games, broke down all the ways our families affect our personal joy. God designed you to be your husbandâs helper. Parents were waiting to see you happy and that was (many a times) the only target in their lives. Family can be a hard thing sometimes. E. Eyerishlass May 2014. Our actions alone canât ensure that those we love will ⦠I believe since you have awareness that you have sacrificed some of your own happiness to benefit your parent, it might be a signal to start tending to your own needs. Both lean far too heavily on their children to provide the joy and fulfilment in their lives, they take almost no responsibility for themselves. As Mr T never said (but should have), âI pity the fool who expects their friends to make them happyâ. Author has 11.1K answers and 11.4M answer views. I will make a helper suitable for him.â. A happy family is a family who stays respectfully close & playful, chooses laughter daily and doesnât sweat the small stuff; they express forgiveness soon, speak kindly about and to each other, and support each otherâs big & small moments. The family environment which was usually a major contributing factor to the young person's problem in the first place undoes all the progress the person has made in therapy. You feel ashamed or fearful when you make a mistake. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. And the more children you have, the unhappier you are likely to be. When you make your happiness your partnerâs responsibility, youâre asking a flawed individual to be perfect in that one area of their life. You don't pick them. You may feel responsible for other peopleâs happiness and/or health. 6 reasons why family is important for happiness. As a result, you may constantly obsess over another personâs circumstances and wellbeing. Because the friends donât stay around too long. They can not give this to you, you can only find it within yourself, as who you already are. OP, your mother sounds a lot like both my mother and my mother in law. Research shows you just might be happier for it. Feeling responsible for othersâ happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach that focuses on our thoughts and actions, is effective in reducing the anxiety caused by responsibility for othersâ happiness. Start tuning into your actions. The closeness you share with family and friends affects your happiness. It is not our job to make our kids happy. You feel to blame if your child goes off in a bad way. Research shows (over and over again) that having children reduces happiness (e.g. The Verdict: We have an innate responsibility to help loved ones as they age, but there are limits. But at the end of the day, you should still treat each other with love and kindness. Youâre setting your own hopes up to fail. Family is forever. I believe without family people never have true happiness or complete joy in their lives. Whether you are a child or an adult, you are always attached to your family since they are an indispensable part of your life, and they always bring you joy and happiness. 2. Take a look at the infographic below. Youâre putting them on a pedestal of expectation. You have to learn to be happy. 2. One of my favorite internet memes is âDonât worry, nothing is in control.â. They just need to have no expectations. In a toxic family dynamic, you might feel contempt or disdain instead of love. Her work can be found on Role Reboot, Alternet, and on her blog: Two Parts Smart-Ass; One Part Wisdom. She is playing the guilt card, but you don't have to pick it up. Talk to her MD about her destructive behavior and see if he can't give her an anti... 3) You feel responsible for other peopleâs happiness and wellbeing. I tend to take on the moods of people close to me. How long can you go on feeling like you're responsible for their happiness (when you give up your own)? Just as long as you are willing to. You are... Last week over at the Peacefulwife Blog, one person left the following comment: I have found it ironic that husbands are not responsible for our happiness as wives (something I am learning) but they measure their success as husbands by our happiness. I would rather attend to others than attend to myself. Mutual support and solidarity. I believe family is the key to happiness and happiness makes you want to be a better person. The relationship becomes toxic and we become sick from breathing in the fumes everyday. 10. Fear of what they might do when theyâre angry. P.S. you need to start living your OWN life too! Get out and spend time with friends and create your own positive environment which will also work... You are defining a co-dependent relationship here 100%. How do I know, you ask? Because you wrote MY story! I'm an only child, too (at 62 years old... In reality, you are looking for other peopleâs happiness and not your own. Truth is, they can be happy. Let go of control. For a long time this trapped me. Feeling responsible for othersâ happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Healthy emotions are not valued â Dysfunctional families only value happiness and compliance to others needs and demands. A lot of times they put the pressure of things they cannot do on others. Your friends. God desires for husbands and wives to help one another. I watched Queen Victoria's Children, in three parts, on Youtube. I thought it was going to be a historical documentary and was amazed to find it wa... Professionally, this might mean they donât find any real satisfaction from their job. Godâs original purpose for creating Eve to be Adamâs wife is given in Genesis 2:18: âThe LORD God said, âIt is not good for the man to be alone. You were NEVER responsible for your mom's happiness (or lack thereof). Only your mom can make herself happy. You need to work on setting boundaries... These children are not responsible in any way shape or form, for making sure their parents are happy. Then there are children that have wonderful parents. 2. Because they are responsible for their parents happiness (by doing the right things for themselves and convincing their parents about it). However, this can take a toll on us if it is taken too far. Some may have noticed, and some may disagree, that often within our social or familial circles, there is a common underlying theme or assumption. 0-3 If you have said âyesâ to less than three you are probably separated enough and do not have too many feelings of guilt or responsibility towards your parentsâ happiness. I understand feeling like you want to run away and feeling the weight of being responsible for your parent's happiness. It can actually feel like s... The assumption seems to be there less so with good friends or secure family members, but more so with new ⦠It is our job to be there for them no matter how they feel. Happiness is not a competition, and it is not a race. Happify, a website and app dedicated to helping people build skills for happiness through science-based activities and games, broke down all the ways our families affect our personal joy. I tend to get âcaught upâ in other peopleâs problems. You obviously have natural leadership abilities. It can actually feel like something you physically drag around. I think of them both as still being children emotionally. 4-6 If you have said âyesâ to nearly half you are probably in the process of separating but need to go further. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. I have asked my family these questions to no avail. And this causes them to still see the world through the eyes of a child; with their personal power not yet being realised. I think that is natural and normal to feel responsible for the well being and happiness of our entire family because we are natural caregivers. This list could be equally true of an adult with siblings, however it is particularly common with adult only children who feel overly protective and responsible for a parentâs happiness. Success is staying with them while they cry. September 3, 2016. Because families are so close that also means that they are very comfortable. If so, think again. First. We can't be responsible for our elderly parent's happiness. Family systems are resistant to change and attempt to get the person to change back to the way things were before. I feel as if my happiness depends on other people. The minute we take that on and begin to think we are is the minute we start to self-destruct little by little. When each member of the family feels valued and appreciated, the family grows stronger. So often people feel down because they donât enjoy what they do. This is my harbor which makes me feel confident and safe. Your feelings about your emotionally immature parents may include: Guilt that you donât do enough. However, the possible foible of having that ability is feeling responsible for others and their happiness. Its author, Jennifer Senior, suggests that children more often make their parents unhappy. Of course, the most important members of the family are the parents. If they can't do that they just love them anyways. Every marriage is different. 7+ You are probably enmeshed and I suggest you may be having not only difficulty with ⦠Caring for our loved ones and being looked after by them brings a rewarding sense of achievement. Even our own minds are operating on autopilot for much of the time. Advertisement. This last happiness factor is quite important to mention. We can't be responsible for our elderly parent's happiness. The minute we take that on and begin to think we are is the minute we start to self-des... You feel itâs your fault when other people feel bad. Action step: Take a moment to schedule and plan the kind of vacation that will help return back home feeling rejuvenated and inspired. Aggressive behavior includes arguing with your parents constantly, cutting them out of your life, and doing things to rebel against them, even as an adult. Why would you continue to take and let a toxic situation affect your happiness. Then when you're done, go call Mom. If there is a lot of bad feelings within a relationship, you cut ties in a friendship and move on. You feel youâre responsible for your parentsâ marital conflicts. For example, when the toddler starts speaking for the first time or makes the first few steps, thatâs when family happiness reveals itself. Another example is when the father manages to land a great position or become accepted in a joint partnership. When you depend on others, there will come a moment when you notice that you are not happy. Youâre sensitive and compassionate. Responsibility For The Happiness Of Others â InnerPeaceNow.com. 05/13/2014 10:38:52. 8. I have a "Debbie Downer" friend. Any "friends" she has I really think its because people feel sorry for her. I know one who takes her to appts but... Lynn Beisner writes about family, social justice issues, and the craziness of daily life. Having more faith than fear, choosing to be grateful, and taking responsibility for my own happiness were key to giving me the strength to take back control of my happiness and my life -- after years of grieving over the loss of my father, dissatisfaction in my career, relationship and overall life. Anderson, Russel, & Schumm, 1983 or Campbell, 1981), even though parents think it will make them happier. Within the 3,085 days that Iâve analyzed here, there have been 119 days in which I felt sick, feverish or unhealthy. The relationship between the two parents and the children is a safe haven. I understand feeling like you want to run away and feeling the weight of being responsible for your parent's happiness. They are responsible for shareholdersâ happiness. I spend my time and energy helping others so much that I neglect my own wants and needs. Therefore, practice letting the chips fall where they may, and accepting people as they are. Believe it or not, that issue has nothing to do with your leadership abilities. Happiness is an individual responsibility. Threatening suicide is "Emotional Blackmail." Your mom is using it to control you and make you feel guilty for the way She is and for Her situation... You are responsible for yours. The people we consider family foster a sense of reciprocity, dependability and mutual reliance. I have family members, some blood and some not blood related, that make me want to be the best person I can be. Whooooaaa???? She threatens SUICIDE if you set a boundary with her? Back to square one. YOU are not responsible for your mother's happiness. SHE i... There is no reason for you to feel guilty. We simply cannot be responsible for another's happiness. That is something that a person has to work a... Letâs look at an example from both the perspective of a mother who feels her childâs happiness is her responsibility and a mother who provides good support for her childâs big feelings without the belief that she is responsible for his happiness. It has to do with an unresolved conviction within you that is playing out through your leadership abilities. I am overly sensitive to criticism. The books listed below helped me so much with what you are talking about. Its taken me years to understand why I feel such a guilt and responsibili... So, first of all save yourself. Feelings of sadness, regret, disappointment, embarrassment, or fear are not valued or discussed. Allow their egoic role to be as it is, just remain present and conscious. "If you feel like youâve been leaning on your partner too much, the first thing you can do is acknowledge the specific behavior and communicate to your significant other what it ⦠We suffer from boredom. From the heavens and can do no wrong. What Actually is Family Happiness? ... Do not look to another family member to make you feel more whole or complete. Taking personal responsibility means not blaming others for your unhappiness. Is responsible, respectful and successful. In the last week or so I have begun to sound like a broken record because I just keep saying ' this is not my responsibility - it is yours.' Having... Health: feeling fit and healthy. Upstream, of course she's most content when you are working on your "to-do" list, she feels in control. You responded to another poster that she c... There is very little that any of us are in control of. They look the other way and hope for the best. 1. Itâs easy to get caught up in the past, but it isnât doing you any ⦠You can call 911 next time she threatens suicide and say she is a danger to herself and potentially others. Have her committed for a 72 hour watch.... Family members and outsiders view this person as capable, conservative, serious, trustworthy, and strong. Family happiness can be quite unstable. 5. That smile probably explains why traveling is part of my top 10 biggest factors of happiness. Your mother is clinging onto her best option, irrespective of the fact that it is crushing you. She is not going to change this while this stays tr... ... All the familyâs problems are dumped on this child. The family is the most important institution of the society. You may obsessively research ways to help them and shower them with advice even when they fail to listen. We may know that life is better, easier, and less lonely when we were with each other, except when it ⦠You live in the past. Adam Oakley. Happiness comes from within, people in miserable circumstances can be happy. Rich people in idillic enviable lives can be depressed, as proven by t... When you think your partner should make you happy, youâre putting a lot of pressure on that person. 4. You feel mortified when something goes wrong at work, even when itâs a team effort. Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. Youâll probably find this scenario quite common.